I got a message from a "friend" the other day that really ticked me off. I'm sure he meant it to be just a friendly warning, but it really sent me over the edge. I really hate it when people asume they know what you are going through, especially if they have NEVER been in a situation even remotely close to mine. My "friend" said to me that he hopes my marriage will be able to withstand Chris being in the military, because it's tough. Excuse me? How does he know that being married in the military is tough? He's not married nor has he ever been even close to being married. Also, he has never seen Chris and I together. So how does he know anything about our relationship? He also doesn't understand what kind of commitment we have made. He only knows about regular marriages that often end because the couple doesn't want to try anymore and divorces run rampant. Ugh. And another thing he said was, "you won't be able to go live everywhere that Chris goes." Hello! I do know this. Chris and I didn't make this decision lightly. It wasn't like one day Chris said "I'm joining the army because I saw a cool commercial." I'm not dumb and I know that there is a high possiblity that he will get deployed some where I can't go, but do you have to point that out all the time?
Another thing that bothers me is this: Everyone asks how I'm doing, but they really don't want to know the real answer. They want me to say "I'm fine. I am keeping busy and Chris is doing great." They don't want to hear, "This really sucks. I miss Chris incredibly and I'm worried about him getting deployed. I don't sleep well and keeping myself busy doesn't stop me from thinking about any of it." If I was to say any of that they wouldn't know how to react and then they would try to comfort me and say it will be okay. How do they know? So I stick to "I'm fine."
One thing that is really fine is my marriage. Chris and I talk as much as we can on the phone and that is great. Hearing from him helps me feel better. So if you catch me after I've talked to him and ask me how I am... I'm doing okay probably is the truth. :)
All good points.
ReplyDeleteWe miss you and we love you. You guys are always in our prayers.
Kate's dad had to go over seas often. It was really hard for their family, but it made them even closer than before. It makes you re-align your needs and desires (as I'm sure you already know!).